How many of you have been disappointed or felt let down in your life?
I’m pretty sure everyone has experienced this emotion or witnessed someone who has. It is a feeling no one desires.
When that happens, we feel like we want to punch someone, and we immediately rush to point blame.
The good news is, someone is responsible.
The bad news is, we are.
Unfortunately, when we experience a major let down or disappointment, there’s no one else to blame but ourselves.
No matter how badly we want to blame someone for our misfortunes, break ups, divorces, disappointments, and even cheating partners, we are still responsible for how we feel; even when someone else caused us to feel this way.
No other person can make you feel sad, happy, disappointed or angry, just to name a few of emotions we are experiencing daily.
We are releasing, or experiencing, these feelings because of our expectations. We feel because we expect.
We expect something from someone at any given time. We are constantly in need. Everyone needs, but not all of us give.
Among many things, we need love, attention, validation, care, security, and comfort. We also need food, water, clothes, and shelter. We need a job and a meaning.
That is how we survive and thrive, both physically and emotionally.
For example, you expect your date to open the door for you. He expects you to call after he gives you his number. Fans expect their team to win the championships. Coaches expect their athletes to win matches.
Farmers expect to have crops and fishermen expect to catch fish. We expect to live, and we expect to have no problems in doing so.
We expect to eat, poop and pee every single day.
We become moody, angry and often panicky when things don’t happen the way we expect.
Even when you expect nothing, that is still an expectation.
Expectations are the backbone of any relationship and the reason we have them.
You cannot have a relationship with a person, animal or anything else if you have no expectation from them. The moment you have an expectation, you and whom you are expecting from are officially linked. That is how relationships are born.
For relationships to succeed, expectations from one another must be equal.
– Relationships are becoming difficult to sustain when one of the partners expects more than the other.
– Relationships cease to exist, often in a fight, when someone has no more expectations from his or her partner.
– Relationships dissolve peacefully and respectfully when both partners aren’t expecting anything from each other anymore.
The only time you are disappointed is when your expectations are not met.
You love someone when you believe that he or she can give you what you need or want. The more you get what you want (expectations are being met), the deeper the connection. This is how trust is built.
Expectations are physical, emotional, and realistic. There’s no such thing as unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic is the person, or the goal, whom we go after, or whom we expect to give us what we need. Goals can be unrealistic, not our needs and wants.
The more we need, the less we have, therefore, the higher the expectations. Codependence results from these failed expectations.
There are two outcomes of these high expectations:
- We project our needs onto others, turning them into what we need the most. We see them for who they are not and we are left disappointed and in pain.
- We refuse to get involved in any relationship because we believe nobody can give us what we need. We are afraid to be disappointed and in pain again.
Relationships become difficult when one of the partners needs something the other can’t provide enough, or even at all.
For example, “I once believed in you because I expected you to give me what I needed the most.”
“Heartbroken” translates into “I’m disappointed because you no longer give me what I want.”
Since our expectations are emotional, the healthier we are, the less we expect from others, therefore, the more we can give, including to ourselves.
The less we have, the more we expect. We can’t give what we don’t have.
We have all witnessed a lot of back-and-forth relationship where people can’t seem to get along, but yet can’t break up either.
That is when our partner expects something we can’t deliver, and the same time they can’t meet our expectation either. We expect from each other, therefore, we are connected. We fail to deliver, so we end up breaking up. It becomes a vicious, never-ending cycle.
Abundance is giving without expecting nothing in return. That way, everyone gives and receive at the same time. These are the healthiest relationships and the ones prone to last forever.
Next time you are disappointed or heartbroken, ask yourself this question:
- What exactly do I need from my partner or this relationship?
Good luck getting what you want.